Sometime in the predawn hours of Wednesday morning, Antarctica’s frozen serenity was shattered by the ear-splitting crack of an iceberg breaking off the Larsen C Ice Shelf. The Brobdignagian berg, alternatively described as “the size of Delaware,” “four times the size of London” and “big enough to ice down a Kennedy’s nightcap,” immediately began bearing down on all the world’s coastlines; raising the world’s sea levels enough to give Nebraska a lovely ocean view. Clearly, such a colossal ice cube wandering the seven seas is every bit the catastrophe the warmists promised us. Ecosystems would crumble, billions would die and Al Gore would become even more insufferably smug than normal.
Never one to miss his cue, Albert, Jr. sprinted out of one of his houses that burn more BTUs than the space program to announce “The Larsen C ice shelf has broken away from Antarctica, a jarring reminder of why we must solve the climate crisis.” If the high priest of the cult of the warming globe says it, it must be true. After all, he predicted way back in 2006 that Armageddon would commence in January of 2016, and — er — maybe we should leave Dr. ManBearPig out of this.
Other leaders in the field of warm-ology glommed onto the chance to blame President Donald Trump for the launch of a berg big enough for a thousand “Titanic” sequels; linking the newest hazard to the whaling and cruise ship industries to the president’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris climate agreement. It should be noted that the Paris climate agreement was signed last year, while icebergs have been hitting the open ocean for somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 million years. And Trump only backed us out of the the warmist’s “landmark climate agreement” last month. So, a thing which has happened routinely since before humanity’s ancestors were living in trees happened because Trump pulled the plug on a pointless treaty which not only ignores the effects of cow farts on polar bears, it doesn’t include anything to protect the world’s largest extant land predator from the walking hamburgers.
Heaven forbid our warmist pals consider the fact that the S.S. Larsen C got its sailing papers because the Antarctic ice is expanding. Nor should they be dissuaded from noting that even the most fervently climate changey scientists have already admitted that the developments way down under weren’t triggered by your SUV’s exhaust. In a Rolling Stone Magazine piece, Penn State University “ice scientist” Richard Alley described Wednesday’s excitement as “the continental equivalent of losing a fingernail;” adding “ice shelves grow and collapse all the time. It is part of the natural rhythm of an ice sheet’s growth and evolution.” The piece also points out that because they’re fresh water, and already afloat, ice sheets like Larsen C melting won’t raise global sea levels for the same reason melting ice cubes don’t make my tumbler of scotch overflow. Bad news, Democrats; Trump’s Mar-a-Lago property is safe.
Actually, we’re all safe. The iceberg represents as much of a threat to humanity as pretty much every other breathlessly dire prediction global warmists have made since back when “global warming” was still “global cooling.” You’re more likely to be annoyed by a global warmist than you are to be drowned, frozen or even mildly dampened by Mother Antarctica’s big new baby.
— Ben Crystal